Why we moan and what we can do about it
We all go through times when we find ourselves moaning or complaining more than usual. Or perhaps there is always something that triggers you or you talk about with a certain person (the British weather perhaps…..) Sometimes it can be cathartic to have a moan but at other times it can make you feel more down or irritated than before you spoke. So what can we do about it?
Why we moan
It can be helpful to get out our feelings. However when we’re feeling irritable or badly done to the primitive side of our mind is triggered and we can easily get into a negative spiral of complaining and feeling justified in our feelings. In some cases this can lead to a sense of martyrdom….the feeling of ‘poor me.’ It can lead to dwelling on the thoughts and the problems without looking to the solutions.
Complaining or negativity can also be a source of connection between people. Whether it is that you have a friend with similar politics and find yourself having the same conversations when you meet or that you regularly complain about the weather as an opener it may be an automatic habit.
What you can learn from your moaning
There are lessons to be learnt from what you find yourself complaining about. If you feel that you have no time because of the demands of your family perhaps you need to reconsider your commitments. If you find yourself moaning about work is there something you can do about it? Ask yourself what could change the situation and if there is anything you could do to improve things. If the situation can’t be changed what might make it easier for you to cope with it?
It is important to have boundaries in your life to keep yourself on an even keel….and sometimes our complaining highlights a lack of boundaries. Perhaps this means prioritising some me-time and asking other members of the family to help with chores. Perhaps this is making sure you get out for a walk every day or have time to see the friends you care about. Having activities to look forward to will help your overall mood.
If there are certain topic of conversations with a friend or family member that you know always end up being negative and you want to avoid it have a think in advance about what you could talk about instead.
Dealing with negative feelings
If you feel frustrated or upset it may be helpful to write your feelings down. Studies have shown that writing your feelings down reduces them so they may not look as bad on paper. You don’t need to worry about anybody else seeing them…you could tear the paper up afterwards but the act of writing may be cathartic.
Exercise is also a very good way of coping with difficult feelings and helps us change our mental state from anxiety to a more calm mentality.
Focusing on the positive
It’s not easy when we’re feeling negative to look at the positives but it is another helpful way to change our mood. I recently heard on a podcast a suggestion that when you have been complaining about something or dwelling on the negative to bring the conversation back to the positive by saying ‘but luckily…..’ and trying to find a silver lining.
Listening to a hypnotherapy track can also be a good way of helping you switch your mood and focusing on the positive.
Having empathy for yourself
Remember that having a moan or negative thoughts does not mean you’re a bad person….we’re all just human. Treat yourself kindly as you would a friend who is going through a difficult time.