Over analysing….why we do it and how to calm down our minds

Do you find yourself over analysing conversations you have had? Do you play them out again in your mind, cringing at what you’ve said or worrying that you may have offended someone or they may think badly of you? Have you ever felt uncomfortable in a work environment or social occasion and feel that you haven’t behaved in quite the right way? Everyone feels this way from time to time but sometimes these thoughts may take over your mind.

Over analysis- why it happens

As humans we are tribal animals. We depend on other people for social contact, validation and support. It is built into our DNA. From the moment we are born we are dependent on our caregivers for food, shelter and love (just compare a human baby with many animal babies who are able to walk almost immediately!) Therefore it matters what others think of us and where we fit in to the family and society we are born into. The fear of getting things wrong (which could in the worst case lead to rejection) is therefore a natural and understandable concern.

Asking yourself if it’s true….gaining perspective

When your mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour and is telling you you have made a mistake it is important to get some distance and question if what you are feeling is true or a worst case scenario. It may be helpful to talk to someone else….or it may be helpful to write it out for yourself to get some clarity. You can ask yourself ‘what am I feeling and why? What am I worried about? Is that likely?’

Thinking about what a good friend would say about the situation is sometimes helpful. If your friend talked to you about what had happened what would they say? Would they see it in the same way? What would you say to someone in the same situation?

How will you feel about it in a week? Or in a year? Even the next day many concerns may have faded when they are not as immediate and your brain has had a chance to work things out for you through your sleep.

Calming down your mind

It’s important to develop your own personal toolbox for dealing with anxiety and stress. What works for one person may not work for another.

Many people find exercise helpful, especially in dealing with intrusive thoughts and over analysing. It gives your mind a break as you focus on the moment and is a good way of using up stress hormones.

Making sure you get enough sleep is also key as when you are rested you are more able to cope with life in general and you will feel calmer and more resilient.

A simple breathing technique, meditation or listening to a hypnotherapy track can also help you press the reset button on a busy mind allowing you some downtime to regain clarity and perspective over your thoughts.

Building confidence

During times of stress confidence can slip and you can feel more inclined to over analyse yourself or worry about what you may not have done. If this is happening try to prioritise the activities in your life that you enjoy and look after your mental health by trying to ensure you get enough sleep and build in time for the people you care about.

You can also take the time to notice (maybe even writing down) the things that you do well. These are the things you may take for granted. Perhaps you weren’t happy with your performance giving a talk at work for instance but a colleague congratulated you on the same talk. Perhaps you felt like you said something silly at a party but you went to the party on your own and met some people you really gelled with. Maybe you’re pleased that you motivated yourself to get up early to go swimming. Noticing these positives (whatever they are) will help build up your confidence.

You could even write down ten things that you like about yourself or that you’ve achieved over the last year that you’re proud of. Put it on your screensaver so you can remind yourself! When you’re feeling more confident you will be less inclined to over analyse yourself.

Solution focused hypnotherapy

The work I do with clients helps build confidence and resilience. Sometimes in our pre-hypnotherapy discussion clients identify simple ways they can improve their lives, even achieving eureka moments. If you want to take this next step and find out how my sessions could benefit you please get in touch.

My other blogs that talk about over analysis and calming down your mind

I talk about taming the inner critic here drawing on the excellent book by Ethan Kross ‘Chatter- the voice in our head and how to harness it’

If you would like to learn more about calming down your stress response this blog gives more detail

The importance of exercise is discussed here

A more general blog on looking after your mental health can be found here